Monday, February 3, 2014

Getting back

It's been a while since I wrote a blog. I haven't been here because I haven't had the energy to write it and I haven't been sure what I wanted to write about.
Looking back at my last post I can see the signs I had been ignoring for  quite a while; I was very depressed and quite unwell.
On 25th November I went to the GP - a locum "rolled with my resistance" about taking medication and challenged me. I was there for a reason - if it wasn't medication - what was it? Good question - I took the prescription and have slowly began to feel so much better. I now realise that I had got used to feeling rubbish for a very long time.

I didn't want to admit to myself that I was depressed/anxious, it isn't the sort of thing that is easy to share with anyone. First their is the stigma but for me the overwhelming feeling was that of a sense of failure. As a proponent of writing for well-being I thought I could look after myself - but I really wasn't doing very well.

Now life is not such a struggle I have found I quite like people I work with and am not fighting with myself and others.
I don't expect it to all be sorted over night but I just thought I would share where I have been. It is difficult to share mental health difficulties - if I had developed a chest infection I may have been a bit reluctant to take antibiotics but I bet you I wouldn't have put it off for quite so long.
I hope that I have learnt a lot from this and I hope to share this where and when appropriate.
I also realise how good the blog is for helping me order my thoughts. That's the mission I am on to encourage people to think about this and read and write poetry.
Now I can concentrate and read books again I can look forward to the year ahead instead of dread.


  1. I know from the tweets we have exchanged how much it means to you to share this blog post so I hope it is a positive experience for you. Its great that you have realised what lovely people you work with, we spend as many hours with colleagues as we do with our closest family so having allies amongst them is vital. You are not a failure, in fact you are the absolute polar opposite of failure by the fact you took this challenge head on and did something about your own recovery. I wish you every ounce of strength to fight this depression and I have every faith you will beat it. Be kind to yourself. C. x