Saturday, April 11, 2015

Start with now

I’ve been thinking a lot about not getting my PhD – think it is because it is 10 years since that dreadful day when my supervisors decided for me that they should put me out of my misery.

The parting advice was to get a PhD via publication, that was it, a severance with no proper ending; not even a suggestion of a MPhil as a consolation.

So I have decided to share my findings on this blog, and then that may start a discussion and help me move forward.

It was an awful time, a real loss and now that I know about proper grief (my Mum) then it was very similar to that. It was harsh, unthinking and I have explored the motives for many years.
There is a deep ambivalence in the nursing profession to clever nurses, we still see in the media today and I experienced it (somewhat paradoxically) in Higher Education. Nurses need to be kept in the place and this is usually instigated by more powerful, high ranking managers who haven’t got the wit or wisdom to go on an intellectual journey themselves.
So I guess it’s important to keep the numbers down and prevent too much influence from thinking, articulate nurses. It can make people feel very uncomfortable and there seems to be a ambition to keep that club very exclusive.

There seems to be a distinct lack of generosity, integrity, authenticity, a wish to see others flourish, a well of skills and knowledge that they share and enable others to reach their potential. I wasn’t in contact with that, at all, probably why I needed to leave my job.
Now I am back in practice I am in a position where I sprinkle generosity, integrity, authenticity and the notion of flourishing rather liberally. It is an approach that many are unaccustomed to and it can make feel people feel very wary. However I know I am uncomfortable if I do things any other way – so I am sticking to my position.

I am hoping that I can develop robust and meaningful links with like minded folk that will help guide me on this journey and I trust that they share those values. I am sure they do, they’ve been talking about and practicing them for a long enough – I think I can trust them and may even dip my toe in the academic water again and consider linking with them in ways of spreading my knowledge.



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